Te Extrano!!!!!

No puedo parar de pensar en ti, Ni te lo imaginas te extrano mucho!

Solo contando los segundos y pensando en ti....

Solamente me la paso contando y contando el tiempo, sonando y esperando tu llamada sabiendo que nunca vendra, Esperando que vengas a mi casa diciendome "te extrano" . Pienso en ti todos los dias y solo me pregunto , como es que olvidastes nuestras entregas , nuestros besos, nuestros abrazos, nuestros suenos y todo lo que un dia nos unio a ser solo un gran corazon lleno de amor y alegria. Creo que es normal tener momentos desagradables, pero los bellos deberian de matar a los malos. Nunca lo entedere pero siempre te amare para siempre "Mi Chavelita" ='(

Me duele Amarte

Ya te perdi, Pero esta vez para siempre...........

Que mas puedo decir, perdi todo, seria el destino, o que se yo, simplemente que hasta este dia la extrano, la extrano porque fue mi sangre que mi corazon necesitaba para sentirse vivo. La extrano porque viene el invierno y no esta aqui para darme calor que su lindo cuerpo me daba, la extrano porque mis fines de semana no tienen el mismo sabor y alegria como antes. La extrano porque la bellisima sonrisa que me encantaba no esta aqui para darme alegria, No se que mas decir me siento como un tonto porque se que nadie lee esta cosa pero la escribo para sentirme mejor, porque es la forma en la que me siento. Como te extrano mi chavelita, como te Amo y a pesar de todo como te pienso en las noches, pensando en que estaras haciendo, haciendome ilusiones de que un dia volveras hacia mi. Tratando de creer que esto es solo una pesadilla y no la realidad..... Estoy bien arrepentido por todo lo que hice, que feo se siente uno cuando ya sabes que no le importas a la persona a la que mas amas... Sabiendo que seguiran con su vida y ni te recordaran o quizas almenos extranaran. Extrano tus besos, tus caricias tu voz, tu pelo, todo lo que te puedas imaginar, lo extrano! Aprendi mi leccion, aprendi muchas cosas, me siento fuerte pero como me encantaria pasar estas fechas que vienen solamente contigo y nuestras familias. Todavia estoy en el paso donde tengo que llorar poquito cada noche para poder dormir.... Como quisiera que supieras que te extrano, como me gustaria que me pensaras y que miraras a la luna oh a nuestros recuerdos para acordarte de los momentos mas bellos que pasamos juntos. Te amo y pase lo que pase nunca te olvides de mi....

New Year means new decisions and plans.

We should all be happy for what we have !!! i know i will start being a better me!

My Life. © Maria Arana

My Life

I am who I have chosen to be. I can’t quite say that I have done it all on my own, because I have had past experience that have shaped me into who I am today. I can remember back in the days of my childhood and realize how many wonderful memories of happiness will flash by. I grew up into a loving family that was always, and still is there for me at all times. My parents taught me right from wrong and always worked hard to give us the life they never had. My sisters who are now teenagers always made me company and listened to every word I had to say, without ever judging my feelings. I can’t imagine having gone these seventeen years of my life without these special people by my side. Their love and support have allowed me to express myself freely and to stand up for everything that I believe in.
There are many things and people that I stand for as well as people and things that I stand against. The main important thing that I stand strongly for is my Catholic faith, because without it I wouldn’t even be able to stand. I know for a fact that it is God’s love and power that allows me to be who I wish to be, and if He gave me that freedom, why not make the best out of it? I also stand for my family and true friends. They play and important part in my life, and I will stand up for them as many times as they need me to do so.
As I mentioned there are also things and people that I stand against. I stand against hate, lies, drugs, sex, and against the people who do these things to hurt others. I stand against these things because of the love God has for me and the love and respect I have for Him, so I choose to do nothing less than His Will. Of course I also do this for myself, because later on in the future this can affect not just me but the people that surround me.
These things have the power to blind you from noticing the true beauty and meaning of life. Why live my life filled with hate when all that will do to me is rotten up my heart, life’s to short to waste it on hate. Why live my life with lies when they will just lead to more lies, and soon enough I wont be able to believe in what I say. Also, why should I throw my health away by poisoning it with drugs. They won’t only affect just me, but also the people I love. I just cant see myself setting such an example for my sisters, but especially my little brothers when I know they look up to me. When I come home form school I become their second mother when my mom is away at work, and so why should I teach them negative actions. I know that the respect I have for my body isn’t just affected with drugs, but with sex as well. I don’t want to disappoint myself in doing something that I know I will look back and be sorry for, so that’s why I would rather wait until marriage. All of these things have shaped me into the strong person that I am now known to be.
Life is a rough journey and the choices that I make day by day are important, and it is also important to have people who you can count on. This is why I choose those who support me and those that wont lead me down the wrong path to stand right next to me. My parents are those people that will never let me down, they never have and they never will. Next to them are my siblings, they may irritate me at times but I know that they will not do anything to harm me. My honest friends are also some of those people, because when I can’t get access to my family I know I have them handy next to me. Above all I choose to stand with God and Jesus Christ. When I feel like I can’t continue any longer I remember how much Jesus suffered for us all, and that is what motivates me to keep my head up and look towards the sky.
I can say that so far life has been fair and decent to me, but I don’t just simply want to live…and then die. I have my purposes to living and I want to make a difference in this world. It’s not just about living for your own benefit, it’s also about living for others and giving them your best. At this moment my purpose is to be an outstanding student at school by always doing what is asked of me. At home it’s to be a great daughter and help my mother out when she can’t be present, and a loving sister by always trying to be comprehendible. I have also thought about the future, and I know for a fact that my purpose in life is to become a college professor. That has always been my dream since I was a little girl, ever since I started playing school with the children that my mother used to take care of. It all started with me asking them if they knew what ten plus ten equaled to be, and from that pretend game grew a much deeper dream.
Making a contribution or leaving my mark in this world may not be the easiest task, but my desire is to do my best and begin by helping those who are waiting for a helping hand. It can be something as simple as giving a person a sign of hope, or looking into their eyes and letting them know that they are not alone. Sometimes you will be amazed at how much a simple smile can change someone’s life. Or it can be something much greater as feeding the hungry or dressing the naked. I also believe that we as human beings have a right to give this world a little back from the things that we have taken. I would love to go out and clean the waters that have been taken advantage of, or allowing new lives to live and reproduce off of the soil that we stand and live on.
Mean while, I know that I won’t be able to accomplish most of my dreams without my education, so for now I have to focus on studying as much as I possibly can. I must also put in extra effort to improve my grade point average. I have made a commitment to myself to always do the best as I possibly can, that goes for taking notes, doing essays, or taking a test, but I will always do the best that I can. I will need to do this in order to get recognized by the most outstanding colleges and become somebody big in the future. When that occurs I will focus on my teaching career, as a foreign language professor in my home country Mexico. I don’t want to become just any ordinary professor, I want to become one of the best and achieve things that others couldn’t. I want to open the doors of opportunities to others just as they have been opened for me. By doing this I will meet one of my most desired goals… which is to teach others what I know and give them the best out of me!!!
My life will not just be based upon doing things for others and becoming a teacher, because I have thought that if God blesses me with a family then I will share and dedicate my life with them as well. I will make sure that my children grow up into a loving family just as I have, and give them the best out me too. I will teach them the importance of faith, and show them the ways of God. I will show them what is correct and warn them of the evilness in this world, because out there will be others who will want to teach them what is incorrect.
As for my personhood what can I say? I will never stop working to become a more understanding person, and learn from my mistakes day by day, because mistakes is what we are made up of. I will never be satisfied with what I know, because I know that this world is full of mysteries and there is always something new that I can learn. There may be milestones in my near future for a successful life, and that may just happen to be that I will have accomplished everything that I could possibly ask for. This all sounds pleasant and very well planed out, but I also ask myself “ How in the world will I ever get there?” I may not have the exact answer to this question, and I may never have it, but I know that it is not impossible!!!
As I have said, and will always say God is my foundation to everything in my life!!! He is my everything and I live for Him , but I can’t just leave it all up to Him and expect Him to do the job for me or even make it easier on me, so this is why I have to always keep believing in myself and pulling on through. Everything happens one step at a time, and if I don’t succeed the first time I attempt something, I know that there will always be a second chance to try it all over again. My only interference will truly just be myself. There is nobody better out there in the world that can tell me that I can’t do it but myself, and if that is the case then who will get me back up? Of course there will also be others that will have the intentions to just put me down, but instead of seeing them as an interference…why not help them become who they want to be?
I know that I must look into the future and plan everything out, but I can’t forget that I am living in the present, and I must never forget that I am made up of the past. © Maria Arana

Feeling Strong & Depressed.

Well its 2:14 am, i feel like crap but at the same time i dont, all of this pain i have inside of me is just killing me and one day seems like forever, Mornings have no meaning to them anymore, and nights seem eternal, full of depression and confusion and not to mention my life just seems like its missing something. I have to be strong i know, and i have to live life to the fullest. I miss you that's for sure, and i am regretting the horrible past. Dang i really wish i could of changed everything i did wrong but then i remember that they made me who i am today. A good heart person who is willing to do whatever it takes to live again. Where did i make the wrong turn? why did i do what i did? why couldn't i have appreciated you more? All of these questions have an answer to them but i just wish i could of done something to avoid these types of questions. Well i cant go back and that's for sure, the past is the past. Lo que paso ya paso. Hice mis errores, nunca fui lo mejor que pude ser. Como te EXTRANO! como se me vienen los viejos recuerdos de felicidad y tranquilidad y paz que tuve contigo. Cuando las noches te decia buenas noches chiquita, y en las mananas buenos dias chavelita. Como extrano estando a tu lado en tus momentos dificiles en tu vida, y los momentos de felicidad y en las tardes cuando el sol se metia y la luna salia. Que uno al otro nos deciamos TE AMO. Tus labios los mas lindos y suaves llenos de amor y pasion, tus manos con un rico aroma de tu belleza, y tus preciosos ojos que parecian dos bellos crystales. Fuistes y seras lo mas lindo en mi vida. como duele saber que ay otro en tu corazon y saber que yo quedo atras. Recuerdo tus grandes suenos, y honestamente me aferre a querer vivirlos contigo en las buenas y malas. Dos locos de amor, que en momentos de deseperacion y dolor se nos encerravan nuestros corazones y lo unico que salia era coraje y tristeza. Pero de un momento al otro Volvia el AMOR, ese amor que yo se se moria en momentos por causa de problemas y frustraciones nos hacia darnos la espalda. quiero que sepas que cambiastes mi vida para siempre. La cambiastes en una forma fuerte, donde yo aprendi que con dios se puede. Estoy en mi cuarto recordando momentos De amor eh intimidad. Cuando nos besavamos como dos enamorados! y nuestra pasion corria por nuestra sangre, las ganas de desahogar el amor que sentiamos en nuestros corazones. Ahora todo es diferente me miras con coraje, me dejas al olvida, me cerrastes las puertas de tu corazon y tirastes la llave al mar. Que dolor. Pero a pesar de todo te sigo amando y pienso que lo seguire. es agosto 26. Seguire con mi vida, y en un mes volvere a escribir todo lo que yo siento y honestamente todo. TE AMO TE EXTRANO TE AMO!!!!!