The Texas Boy Search.


Monday, September 6, 2010

My Life. © Maria Arana


My Life

I am who I have chosen to be. I can’t quite say that I have done it all on my own, because I have had past experience that have shaped me into who I am today. I can remember back in the days of my childhood and realize how many wonderful memories of happiness will flash by. I grew up into a loving family that was always, and still is there for me at all times. My parents taught me right from wrong and always worked hard to give us the life they never had. My sisters who are now teenagers always made me company and listened to every word I had to say, without ever judging my feelings. I can’t imagine having gone these seventeen years of my life without these special people by my side. Their love and support have allowed me to express myself freely and to stand up for everything that I believe in.
There are many things and people that I stand for as well as people and things that I stand against. The main important thing that I stand strongly for is my Catholic faith, because without it I wouldn’t even be able to stand. I know for a fact that it is God’s love and power that allows me to be who I wish to be, and if He gave me that freedom, why not make the best out of it? I also stand for my family and true friends. They play and important part in my life, and I will stand up for them as many times as they need me to do so.
As I mentioned there are also things and people that I stand against. I stand against hate, lies, drugs, sex, and against the people who do these things to hurt others. I stand against these things because of the love God has for me and the love and respect I have for Him, so I choose to do nothing less than His Will. Of course I also do this for myself, because later on in the future this can affect not just me but the people that surround me.
These things have the power to blind you from noticing the true beauty and meaning of life. Why live my life filled with hate when all that will do to me is rotten up my heart, life’s to short to waste it on hate. Why live my life with lies when they will just lead to more lies, and soon enough I wont be able to believe in what I say. Also, why should I throw my health away by poisoning it with drugs. They won’t only affect just me, but also the people I love. I just cant see myself setting such an example for my sisters, but especially my little brothers when I know they look up to me. When I come home form school I become their second mother when my mom is away at work, and so why should I teach them negative actions. I know that the respect I have for my body isn’t just affected with drugs, but with sex as well. I don’t want to disappoint myself in doing something that I know I will look back and be sorry for, so that’s why I would rather wait until marriage. All of these things have shaped me into the strong person that I am now known to be.
Life is a rough journey and the choices that I make day by day are important, and it is also important to have people who you can count on. This is why I choose those who support me and those that wont lead me down the wrong path to stand right next to me. My parents are those people that will never let me down, they never have and they never will. Next to them are my siblings, they may irritate me at times but I know that they will not do anything to harm me. My honest friends are also some of those people, because when I can’t get access to my family I know I have them handy next to me. Above all I choose to stand with God and Jesus Christ. When I feel like I can’t continue any longer I remember how much Jesus suffered for us all, and that is what motivates me to keep my head up and look towards the sky.
I can say that so far life has been fair and decent to me, but I don’t just simply want to live…and then die. I have my purposes to living and I want to make a difference in this world. It’s not just about living for your own benefit, it’s also about living for others and giving them your best. At this moment my purpose is to be an outstanding student at school by always doing what is asked of me. At home it’s to be a great daughter and help my mother out when she can’t be present, and a loving sister by always trying to be comprehendible. I have also thought about the future, and I know for a fact that my purpose in life is to become a college professor. That has always been my dream since I was a little girl, ever since I started playing school with the children that my mother used to take care of. It all started with me asking them if they knew what ten plus ten equaled to be, and from that pretend game grew a much deeper dream.
Making a contribution or leaving my mark in this world may not be the easiest task, but my desire is to do my best and begin by helping those who are waiting for a helping hand. It can be something as simple as giving a person a sign of hope, or looking into their eyes and letting them know that they are not alone. Sometimes you will be amazed at how much a simple smile can change someone’s life. Or it can be something much greater as feeding the hungry or dressing the naked. I also believe that we as human beings have a right to give this world a little back from the things that we have taken. I would love to go out and clean the waters that have been taken advantage of, or allowing new lives to live and reproduce off of the soil that we stand and live on.
Mean while, I know that I won’t be able to accomplish most of my dreams without my education, so for now I have to focus on studying as much as I possibly can. I must also put in extra effort to improve my grade point average. I have made a commitment to myself to always do the best as I possibly can, that goes for taking notes, doing essays, or taking a test, but I will always do the best that I can. I will need to do this in order to get recognized by the most outstanding colleges and become somebody big in the future. When that occurs I will focus on my teaching career, as a foreign language professor in my home country Mexico. I don’t want to become just any ordinary professor, I want to become one of the best and achieve things that others couldn’t. I want to open the doors of opportunities to others just as they have been opened for me. By doing this I will meet one of my most desired goals… which is to teach others what I know and give them the best out of me!!!
My life will not just be based upon doing things for others and becoming a teacher, because I have thought that if God blesses me with a family then I will share and dedicate my life with them as well. I will make sure that my children grow up into a loving family just as I have, and give them the best out me too. I will teach them the importance of faith, and show them the ways of God. I will show them what is correct and warn them of the evilness in this world, because out there will be others who will want to teach them what is incorrect.
As for my personhood what can I say? I will never stop working to become a more understanding person, and learn from my mistakes day by day, because mistakes is what we are made up of. I will never be satisfied with what I know, because I know that this world is full of mysteries and there is always something new that I can learn. There may be milestones in my near future for a successful life, and that may just happen to be that I will have accomplished everything that I could possibly ask for. This all sounds pleasant and very well planed out, but I also ask myself “ How in the world will I ever get there?” I may not have the exact answer to this question, and I may never have it, but I know that it is not impossible!!!
As I have said, and will always say God is my foundation to everything in my life!!! He is my everything and I live for Him , but I can’t just leave it all up to Him and expect Him to do the job for me or even make it easier on me, so this is why I have to always keep believing in myself and pulling on through. Everything happens one step at a time, and if I don’t succeed the first time I attempt something, I know that there will always be a second chance to try it all over again. My only interference will truly just be myself. There is nobody better out there in the world that can tell me that I can’t do it but myself, and if that is the case then who will get me back up? Of course there will also be others that will have the intentions to just put me down, but instead of seeing them as an interference…why not help them become who they want to be?
I know that I must look into the future and plan everything out, but I can’t forget that I am living in the present, and I must never forget that I am made up of the past. © Maria Arana

Thursday, August 26, 2010

Feeling Strong & Depressed.



Well its 2:14 am, i feel like crap but at the same time i dont, all of this pain i have inside of me is just killing me and one day seems like forever, Mornings have no meaning to them anymore, and nights seem eternal, full of depression and confusion and not to mention my life just seems like its missing something. I have to be strong i know, and i have to live life to the fullest. I miss you that's for sure, and i am regretting the horrible past. Dang i really wish i could of changed everything i did wrong but then i remember that they made me who i am today. A good heart person who is willing to do whatever it takes to live again. Where did i make the wrong turn? why did i do what i did? why couldn't i have appreciated you more? All of these questions have an answer to them but i just wish i could of done something to avoid these types of questions. Well i cant go back and that's for sure, the past is the past. Lo que paso ya paso. Hice mis errores, nunca fui lo mejor que pude ser. Como te EXTRANO! como se me vienen los viejos recuerdos de felicidad y tranquilidad y paz que tuve contigo. Cuando las noches te decia buenas noches chiquita, y en las mananas buenos dias chavelita. Como extrano estando a tu lado en tus momentos dificiles en tu vida, y los momentos de felicidad y en las tardes cuando el sol se metia y la luna salia. Que uno al otro nos deciamos TE AMO. Tus labios los mas lindos y suaves llenos de amor y pasion, tus manos con un rico aroma de tu belleza, y tus preciosos ojos que parecian dos bellos crystales. Fuistes y seras lo mas lindo en mi vida. como duele saber que ay otro en tu corazon y saber que yo quedo atras. Recuerdo tus grandes suenos, y honestamente me aferre a querer vivirlos contigo en las buenas y malas. Dos locos de amor, que en momentos de deseperacion y dolor se nos encerravan nuestros corazones y lo unico que salia era coraje y tristeza. Pero de un momento al otro Volvia el AMOR, ese amor que yo se se moria en momentos por causa de problemas y frustraciones nos hacia darnos la espalda. quiero que sepas que cambiastes mi vida para siempre. La cambiastes en una forma fuerte, donde yo aprendi que con dios se puede. Estoy en mi cuarto recordando momentos De amor eh intimidad. Cuando nos besavamos como dos enamorados! y nuestra pasion corria por nuestra sangre, las ganas de desahogar el amor que sentiamos en nuestros corazones. Ahora todo es diferente me miras con coraje, me dejas al olvida, me cerrastes las puertas de tu corazon y tirastes la llave al mar. Que dolor. Pero a pesar de todo te sigo amando y pienso que lo seguire. es agosto 26. Seguire con mi vida, y en un mes volvere a escribir todo lo que yo siento y honestamente todo. TE AMO TE EXTRANO TE AMO!!!!!

Para mi querida Maria.


Querida Maria Isabel.

No sé si te he dicho alguna vez que contigo soy feliz, si no es así te lo digo ahora: soy feliz porque existes y porque me quieres.

Cada vez que te veo todo es felicidad: cada mirada, cada palabra amable con tu voz maravillosa, cada caricia, cada sentimiento, cada beso.. cada amor.

¿Cómo no voy a ser feliz si tú eres mi vida? ¿Cómo no ser feliz si eres mi razón y mi esperanza? ¿Cómo no serlo si eres la felicidad encarnada en una persona?

Tu amor me da dicha, me da alegría, esperanza para afrontar cada segundo hasta el momento de verte, me hace soñar con ser feliz y despertar siéndolo. Tu amor me hace tan feliz como el más feliz.

No te imaginas lo que siento, quizás sí, si tu lo sientes como yo. Amarte es querer abrazar la vida y recorrer el mundo dándote la mano. Amarte es ser dichoso, incluso sin causa para serlo, tú eres mi causa.
Soy tan feliz que temo despertar y no encontrarte a mi lado para seguir siéndolo, pero sé que eso no pasará, porque nuestro amor es eterno.

Quisiera saber expresar con palabras mi felicidad por ti, pero basta con que me mires con tus ojos... lo descubrirás.

Te amo, por siempre y para siempre maria!

Monday, August 2, 2010

Gracias por Estar en mi Vida!



Querida MARIA ISABEL ARANA

Gracias por existir, gracias.

Gracias por fijarte en mi, por dejarme disfrutar de tu presencia, por mirarme y por hablarme.

Gracias por dejarme soñar contigo, por hacerme vivir de ti, por provocar la ilusión que lleva tu nombre.

Gracias por elegirme, elegirme para acompañarte, elegirme para caminar juntos por la vida, elegirme para sentir.

Gracias por respirar, andar, mirar, hablar, despertar, sonreír, escuchar.... gracias por existir.

Gracias y un millón de gracias por dejarme amarte.

Gracias........

Friday, July 30, 2010

Gracias!

racias por existir, gracias.

Gracias por fijarte en mi, por dejarme disfrutar de tu presencia, por mirarme y por hablarme.

Gracias por dejarme soñar contigo, por hacerme vivir de ti, por provocar la ilusión que lleva tu nombre.

Gracias por elegirme, elegirme para acompañarte, elegirme para caminar juntos por la vida, elegirme para sentir.

Gracias por respirar, andar, mirar, hablar, despertar, sonreír, escuchar.... gracias por existir.

Gracias y un millón de gracias por dejarme amarte.

Gracias

Monday, July 5, 2010

First day of starting new. ='(


='( . Why the hell should i try to be stronger than what i really am? Right now i miss her like bad. I feel like leaving this state, but that wont help, and when i remember how i messed up, that makes everything worse. Well at least i made her a little happy ='). 4th of July is her birthday. I gave her some Flowers and a Candle, a Happy birthday card, and a Really nice cake. But god it just sucks being super in love right now. Everything in my room reminds me of her from the teddy bear she gave me on my graduation to the pictures and calendar of her and me. Well i am going to try this and work hard. TE AMO CON TODO MI CORAZON!!!!!! ERES MI FELICIDAD!!
I Feel so lonely ='(. I AM SORRY FOR THE BAD TIMES. I LOVE YOU.


P.S IF YOU READ THIS MARIA, JUST KNOW ITS ALL TRUE AND THAT I MISS YOU.

LOVE YOU, BYE

Maria eres Mi luna y mi Estrella.

Una cancioncita para ti maria es de Banda Machos.

Quiero cantarle a esos ojos tan negros tan negros
Que yo quiero
Quiero decirle a esos labios que si no me besan
Me muero
Mi pensamiento mi vida y todo mi amor
Son de ella
Que es la mujer que mas quiero
Mi luna mi Estrella
Acercate mas a mi y dame un beso de amor
Quiero sellar nuestro cario llevando tu sabor
Acercate mas a mi y dame un beso de amor
Quiero sellar nuestro cario llevando tu sabor
Hablado...
Te lo juro mija que eso eres para mi
Mi luna y mi Estrella
Quiero cantarle a esos ojos tan negros tan negros
Que yo quiero
Quiero decirle a esos labios que si no me besan
Me muero
Mi pensamiento mi vida y todo mi amor
Son de ella
Que es la mujer que mas quiero
Mi luna mi Estrella
Acercate mas a mi y dame un beso de amor
Quiero sellar nuestro cario llevando tu sabor
Acercate mas a mi y dame un beso de amor
Quiero sellar nuestro cario llevando tu sabor

Friday, July 2, 2010

Muchas Fotos, una gran historia.

PICTURES THAT SHOW NOTHING MORE THAN A AWESOME LOVE STORY, 1 YEAR 4 MONTHS AND 9 DAYS. THESE PICTURES ARE IN ORDER, FROM THE FIRST MONTHS TO WHAT WE HAVE NOW. I LOVE YOU MARIA!

- OK the first one was like straight up in February. This is our official first picture. We were outside talking, cause the first months i was just shy to go inside the house. So yeah =)

- Second one was this one, if i can recall we took this one the same day, only earlier.

- Third one was this.

Thursday, July 1, 2010

Nuestro Chat lol.

Johnny Candia today I realized how much I really love you!!! All I have to do is look at you and you make me smile so much, with your cute little face, and your beautiful eyes!!! Its a feeling that I just cant quite explain to you at this moment.

thats really sweet and i enjoy hearing you say that. Well you know what chavelita, i also had a great time with you today, and you know i always loved you today and tomorrow. i love you with all my heart. thank YOU for being in my life!!!!

I love being in it and I love you being in it as well. And I want to tell you something very serious.... THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING AND FOR NEVER GIVING UP ON ME!!!

Well i already told you once and many times. I never met anyone so sweet and so caring in my life that i just cant give you up so easy. i fell in love with you, why should i not fight or do anything for you , especially something as weak as giving up!!!

But you still look so cute cuando lloras... : }

do i really?
Yes but Id rather not see you do that anymore.

man, well what can i say. Sometimes it just feels so good knowing that i got such an awesome person next to me that i cry!, so forgive me if i ever do.

You are just as awesome and special to me, and I love you for all you are and for what you have, with all of your defects and everything. You are just perfect.

THAT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME MARIA QUE NI TIENES IDEA! TE AMO MARIA Y GRACIAS POR DECIRME ESTO.
No solo te quiero decir estoy...sino mas perono se como expressarme, siempre sere tu Mamacita o como dijo el dela pizzeria.

Johnny is awesome alright now band zero in arkansas. Yo no se cahave is cool and funny and she makes me smile and she has a cute little nose.

Wednesday, June 30, 2010

The Poem. Hey it came from my heart to you.


Chave este poema well 'poema' jeje lo hice yo del fondo de mi corazon para ti, alomejor no es el mejor pero salio de mi corazon.... para ti

el poema se llama "Chave"

Ay una mujer muy especial en este mundo.
Cuando miro esa mujer ella me trai una sonrisa tan grande.
su cabello chino y aveces lacio color cafe oscuro es lo mas lindo y precioso.
Cuando hablo, de esa mujer parece ser como si uno hablara
de lo mas bello del mundo.
Cuando la miro sonreir es lo mas bello que uno puede experienciar, como ver a las estrellas oh ver un gol de mexico lol.
oh y no falta su linda risa.
Esa mujer tiene unos ojos que cuando unos los mira, uno puede ver dos lindos crystales, tan lindos y brillosos.
Su Piel es Morena y debe ser cuidada porque es piel bien suave y blandita, con
el lindo aroma de mujer.
Sus labios son deliciosos cerezas cubiertas de chocolate, que al besarle sus labios
siento la piel enchinar.
Ella tiene un lindo cuerpo que cuando lo siento junto al mio, siento el calor
y la tranquilidad que me calma, pero lo mas bonito es sentir su corazon palpitar en mi pecho.
Su Corazon es el que uno mas debe de cuidar porque es Muy Fragil,como una rosa roja, cuidarla porque
si no le puede tumbar uno petalos y sin petalos estuviera la rosa danada.
pero si uno le cuida el corazon ella te regresa amor y carino.
Sus piernas, uno puede recorrer sus piernas con las manos y sentirse como si uno estubiera en el paraiso.
Sabes lo que es arte verdad? es algo que relaja al ver y se siente bien al tocar
pues cuando toco sus curvas de su bellisimo cuerpo moreno se puede saber que ella es
una piesa de arte, con alto valor. Tiene figuras complicadas pero bellas de corazon verdad de dios.
Cuando ella llora sus lagrimas son puros crystales brillantes que no deberian de ser derramadas por
dolor si no por felicidad. Ella a sufrido mucho y se a convertido fragil. y Cuando uno decide tomarla uno
se esta dedicando a hacerla feliz para ya no sufrir mas. Aveces me pregunto si ella es un angel mandado de dios,
y no cabe duda que si lo es, es una angelita.
Me enamore tanto de su linda forma de ser que estoy dispuesto a dar mi VIDA por ella, no ay
duda en eso.

Pero tambien le eh echo mal a ella, la eh echo llorar,sufrir y le eh quebrado su corazonsito. Estoy arrepentido y
avergonzado de eso, pero el pasado cruel deberia de ser olvidado, no como el bueno que deberia ser recordado
para siempre.
El Destino nos puso en un camino para conocernos y amarnos.
ella y yo somos lo mas perfecto.
por alguna razon la puso dios en mi camino para conquistar su corazon.
y quieres saber de quien hablo? esa preciosa,Carinosa,hermosa,y dulce mujer se llama Maria..... Este poema o forma de sentir hacia ti lo saque de mi corazon con mis propias palabras. Te amo maria. y no lo olvides jamas amor, perdon por mis errores y perdon las lagrimas que te hice que salieron de tus preciosos ojos, perdon por hacerte sentir como que la vida te trai errores y maltratos desde que me conocistes,Perdoname por desilucionar tu corazon con mi forma de ser,
Perdoname por no apreciarte como lo debi... te lo digo de corazon, pero te amo, te amo..
En este dia tan especial para mi y para ti espero que de corazon me perdones y que me creas cuando te digo que voy a cambiar. Estoy cansado de hacerte sufrir, quiero hacerte feliz.
Eres mi felicidad maria y no lo miento, Estoy Verdaderamente enamorado de ti.. No ay duda.
Una mujer como tu merece lo mas mejor del mundo y no lo mas peor.. Te amo muchisimo chiquita, y la vida sin ti no me la imagino, porque estoy seguro que no encontrare a alguien como tu. .

Monday, June 28, 2010

Im sorry for the heart breaks.



IN THIS POST I JUST WANT TO TELL YOU HOW I FEEL ABOUT THE BAD CRUEL STUFF.

Hey my love i am sorry for everything i have caused you that has made you feel despised, or alone and not appreciated.

I AM SORRY FOR.............
- RAISING MY VOICE AT YOU.
- SMOKING CIGARETTES, WHEN I KNOW YOU HATE THEM.
- SOMETIMES NOT UNDERSTANDING YOU.
- SAYING SOME OF THE MOST RUDEST THINGS YOU HAVE EVER HEARD SOMEONE SAY TO YOU.
- I AM SORRY IF I MADE YOUR BEAUTIFUL EYES CRY.
- SORRY IF I MADE YOU FEEL TRAPPED.
- SORRY FOR NOT MAKING IT TO BAND CAMP ON TIME. LOL
- SORRY FOR ALL THE ANNOYING THINGS YOU HAVE TO PUT UP WITH ME.
- SORRY FOR ACTING TOUGH AND PROUD IN MOMENTS THAT HAVE NO TIME FOR THIS BEHAVIOR.
- SORRY FOR LETTING YOU DOWN SO MANY TIMES, GOD KNOWS I DON'T TRY HARD ENOUGH! AS I AM SUPPOSE TO.



- SORRY FOR BEING MEAN WITH YOU. ='(
- SORRY FOR BEING AN ASSHOLE WITH YOU AT SOME TIMES.
- SORRY FOR RUINING SOME OF OUR MOMENTS.
- SORRY FOR NOT ALWAYS BEING THE GUY YOU DREAMED.
- SORRY FOR BEING SUCH A IDIOT AND LOOSING YOU.
- SORRY FOR LEAVING YOU SITTING DOWN IN CHURCH, WHILE YOU WAIT FOR ME AND NEVER SHOW UP.
- SORRY FOR NOT DEMONSTRATING MY LOVE HARD ENOUGH AS I AM SUPPOSE TO.
- SORRY FOR SAYING SORRY TOO MANY TIMES. =)
- SORRY FOR SHOWING UP LATE TO CHURCH.
- SORRY FOR THE TIMES WE WRESTLED AND MADE YOU GET MAD. =)
- SORRY FOR SAYING STUPID THINGS.
- SORRY FOR SHOWING UP LATE TO YOUR HOUSE, SOMETIMES. =(
- I AM SORRY IF SOMETIMES I AM A HARD HEAD WHEN YOU DUMP ME =( , ITS CAUSE I LOVE YOU SO MUCH THAT IT SUCKS BEING WITHOUT YOU.
- SORRY FOR NOT BEING THERE FOR YOU SOMETIMES WHEN YOU NEED ME.

THERE ARE MANY MORE BUT I RATHER SAY IT TO YOU FACE TO FACE.
JUST KNOW THAT i love you, I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU, AND WORK HARD TO CHANGE JUST FOR YOU. NOW ON LEAVE ALL THE BAD STUFF BEHIND AND START NEW WITH YOU. TE AMO.

Reasons i know I love you. ♥


Love is sometimes hard to explain, its just unexplainable. I mean i was reading a article on love and LUST Reasons i know i am in love and not in lust are these.

TO:THE LOVE OF MY LIFE. FROM:YOUR ETERNAL LOVE.

- I miss her even if it has been a couple of hours or a day that i haven't seen her.

- I dream of her and me being together forever and ever and having a family.

- I sometimes daze out and find myself smiling at memories that i have with her, like special events we went to together, or good old school hanging out. REAL LIFE STORY= WELL ONE DAY I INVITED HER TO GO OUT WITH ME TO EAT, WE ATE SOME GREAT FOOD AND HAD A GREAT TIME WE WENT TO THE LAKE AND SPENT SOME GOOD TIME THERE, AND ONCE IN A WHILE I REMEMBER THIS , JUST AS I REMEMBER MANY MORE MOMENTS I SPENT WITH HER.

- The reason i know i will never find anybody like you in this world, even though there are many girls or as they say many fish in the tank, i want you and no one else. I would NEVER, replace you for anybody else.

- When i wake up, i want the day to go on fast just to see you and spend time with you by my side. But as i said in my last blog i would give you space since you need it. Got to lay off on the annoying johnny. lol

- To me there is no one like you YOU ARE JUST ONE OF A KIND!!!!!!!!

- You are really special to me and mean a lot to me.

- I have never loved this way before and doubt i will ever love this way with someone else who is not you. THIS LOVE THAT I FEEL FOR YOU IS JUST FOR YOU AND ONLY FOR YOU! NO ONE ELSE WILL EVER HAVE ME.

- I have complete trust in you, i believe in you, i know you would never do anything to hurt me.

- You are BEAUTIFUL TO ME NO MATTER WHAT, like in the article, you could be plunging the toilet with your hair all frizzy and a flip flop on and the other one missing lol but i will still think you look BEAUTIFUL.

- I KNOW I LOVE YOU THATS ALL ! THERES MANY MORE REASONS BUT I KNOW I JUST DO.

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Some things i need to change to be a better me and Boyfriend.

Believe it or not i get tired of messing up, (listening to Tejano). But hey nothing ever happens, i always feel secure, but now i am really fu*#@d, and dont take it wrong i never assured myself, but i never learned my lesson. OK so lets get to the main point. So i met this girl named Maria, tall girl, dark brown hair, pretty lips, and amazing eyes, this was back in February of 2009 and well i was currently joining a band. So anyways i asked her to join the band, she said she would think about it and well next thing you know i asked for her number, and she gave it to me, she wrote it down all nice in cursive letters (Maria Arana)with a heart symbol just like this one on the i of maria, since then i caught on to her, well she said that she didn't even like me :D. But yeah i talked and talked to her and in less then a month we went out. Now we had 1 year and four months!. But i think that due to this we really didn't know each other well. Unfortunately she broke up with me June 24th our anniversary, but she told me many things, many things i never even thought about, many things that make sense, and well now lets stop and think back or better yet think of the future!, The things i am going to change in me to be a better Johnny, My goals!

- STOP THROWING THINGS ON HER FACE, and not literally speaking as in actually throwing objects, :D .When me and her would argue i would always like a dumb ass would say "well i did this for you and this is what i get!" , Nu uh i gotta cut this stupidity out. No more this! This has to stop! OH BY THE WAY I HAVEN'T DONE THIS IN A WHILE AND I KNOW IT WONT JAJA. (STATUS)= COMPLETED

- CONTROL MY ANGER !, Oh my god i dont know what happened here, dont even know where to start, sometimes i would get so out of hand, and heck no i need to cut this out EXTREMELY ! she never got this way with me and i shouldn't either she would super hate this attitude of mine. I want to change so bad for her and i know i can, its possible and it can be done with a little bit of HOPE and FAITH, and HARD WORK. This is basically the reason why everything kinda went down really bad, cause of my "i am mad attitude" . This is the biggie of them all and i really am working on this one this time!. I PROMISE YOU I WILL CHANGE AND MAKE YOU HAPPY! I KNOW THIS TIME AND HAVE A GOOD FEELING I WILL CHANGE THIS TIME! (STATUS)= WORKING ON IT. UPDATED ON JUNE 27 4:42 AM.

-STOP BEING SO PRIDEFUL. Yep this one made a mess also , so many times i would try to act like the big thing and Mr.Hard or Mr.Untouchable, guys and girls out there, this does not help at all. Well anyways yeah this is only going to make things worse, I PROMISE AND SWEAR I WILL NEVER DO THIS, ILL KEEP UPDATED, BETTER YET i dont act this way anymore. so its all cool. (STATUS)= COMPLETED

-I HAVE TO BE MORE RESPECTFUL, THAT MEANS NO MORE CUSSING OR LOUD MEAN VOICE. Yeah probably many of us have this problem whether you're a guy or girl. OK so i do this a lot, notice maria its A LOT not ALOT, jaja well yeah this is one of the main ones also, sometimes this would come after the second problem the ANGER ONE, i would get mad and start having a loud voice and no, this will just hurt your partners little sweet heart. This is probably one of the reasons why my ex maria felt so down sometimes, or that she felt like being alone with no one around her like a boyfriend. :( . man I AM SO MEAN AND A ASSHOLE IF YOU ACTUALLY THINK ABOUT IT. WELL THIS IS A SUPER HARD ONE BUT I AM NOT A QUITTER. (STATUS)= WORKING ON IT.

-QUIT ON THE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS, ja well what could i say i was like the one always saying "you're going to dump me right?" or "dont tell me you dont want to be with me?!" or "do you love me?" after she said it like 30 times "no i will not dump you or yes i do want to be with you, or yes johnny i really love you and you know it". Yeah this kind of behavior really kills them. this is one of the ones i am slowly letting go off. (STATUS)= ALMOST THERE AT 95%

-GIVE HER A BREAK, OR TIME OFF, SOMETIMES GIRLS GET FED UP OF OUR STUPID GUY STUPIDITY THAT THEY NEED TO COOL OFF, but sometimes some of us would be so full of it that we would even get mad like me. Sometimes Maria would be so tired of me that she would nicely tell me, "please give me some time for myself and to think things out". Well all i heard from that would be "i dont want you anymore", when come on this could actually be the thing your relationship needs, a BREAK BUT NOT BREAK UP. There is actually a difference, Break means for a girl that she needs time for herself and to you! "the guy" cool off, but break up of course means getting dumped.
I AM STILL CONFUSED THOUGH LOL I DON'T KNOW WHICH ONE I GOT LOL. I HOPE ITS NOT A FOREVER BREAK UP. LOVE HER SO MUCH! (STATUS)= AH THIS IS A HARD ONE =`(. I FEEL SO DEPRESSED, MELANCHOLIC AND NOSTALGIC AND LONELY ON THESE ONES! SOMETIMES THIS WOULD ALSO CAUSE INSOMNIA, TEARS, BAD THOUGHTS EX. NOT WORTH LIVING, AND ALSO BAD DREAMS AND LONG DAYS.

-DON'T BE SELFISH LET HER/HIM HAVE THEIR PERSONAL SPACE AND TIME, Man i really violated this one i would be 24/7 at her house and that was not really good, even though they love you that does not mean that you can be there all the damn time. well i slowly improved on this one i went from 10 am on summer days to 3:30 summer of 2010 days. Sometimes if you're so in love like me lol you never think about the other persons plans or space, and well you might bore them i think i bored her. lol.but its OK i respect this now. (STATUS)= 99.5% COMPLETED STILL 5% LEFT.

WELL FELLAS THESE ARE SOME , *NOTE* SOME, I THINK, OF THE MANY PROBLEMS I AM GOING TO FIX IN ME, SO I WANT BE A TERRIBLE LOVE BIRD. . BUT YEAH I WILL KEEP UPDATED OF WHAT HAPPENS LOVE YOU ! AND I KNOW WERE MEANT TO BE!